A note for the Mums who apologise for taking time

Mums,

Please stop apologising for needing space to restore yourself.

Stop apologising for rest.

For pleasure.

For being seen.

For being more than “useful”.

There was a time I carried a heavy kind of mum guilt.

I grew up with a mother who devoted herself entirely to us. She kept the house. She cared for everyone. She loved deeply.

She is, and always has been, a wonderful mum.

But I never saw her choose herself.

No hair appointments.

No time with friends.

No evenings that were hers alone.

No visible joy that didn’t revolve around caring for others.

Without realising it, I absorbed that model.

When I became a mother, I disappeared.

I once came home from a food shop with everything my husband wanted, everything my weaning daughter needed, and nothing for me. Not even something small.

That moment stayed with me.

Not long after, I became unwell.Low. Flat. Lost.

When I became a single mum, the pattern continued.

Total focus on my child.

No space for myself.

Guilt for the gym.

Guilt for friends.

Guilt for rest.

Guilt for wanting adult conversation.

I wasn’t thriving. I was surviving.

It was my sister, surrounded by other mothers, who gently challenged this belief that good motherhood requires self-erasure.

It took time for it to land.

But by the time my son arrived, I understood something important: if I was going to survive, and not just survive, but live, I needed time that was mine.

Now, years later, I can say this with honesty: I no longer carry mum guilt.

I take time for myself openly and unapologetically.

When I am with my children, I am truly with them, phone away, attention present, connected.

And when they leave, I leave joyfully.

They see me getting ready. They see excitement. They see colour and playfulness and plans. They hear about my friendships and achievements. They know their mother has a life that nourishes her.

Sometimes they wish they could come too and that’s okay.

They also know we have our own adventures together and that they don’t miss out.

Most importantly, they are learning something I was never shown:

That mothers are whole people.

That adults need joy.

That love does not require disappearance.

I believe that this quietly changes the future.

When my children become parents, I don’t want “mum guilt” or “dad guilt” to be part of their emotional inheritance.

I want them to feel comfortable being devoted and alive.

Loving and fulfilled.

Present and nourished.

So this is your reminder:

You do not need to apologise for being yourself.

You do not need to earn rest.

You do not need to shrink to be a good mother.

Taking care of yourself is not a betrayal of your children.

It is part of how you teach them what a life can look like.

Rebecca xo