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By Rebecca Ingram When people hear the word patriarchy , they (particularly men) can become defensive and feel personally attached, as if the structure of patriarchy is a group of men sat around a table consciously designing systems to suppress women. That image makes it easy to dismiss the idea altogether because of course there is no secret meeting where men gather to plan the structure of society.  We hope. Regardless, that misunderstanding misses the point entirely. Patri

By Rebecca Ingram I began noticing something in meetings several years ago. A woman would raise a point,  often a thoughtful, well-considered one, and begin her sentence with an apology. “Sorry, can I just say something…” “Sorry, I might be wrong but…” “Sorry, just a quick thought…” The apology came before the idea . Once you notice it, you see it everywhere. Women apologising before asking questions. Women apologising before disagreeing. Women apologising before expressing a

By Rebecca Ingram For a long time, I believed that many of the struggles women face could be overcome by personal effort; healing unresolved childhood trauma, low confidence, protecting boundaries and so on. We are told, and tell each other, that if we can just work on ourselves; become more assertive, more resilient, more empowered, that we can step powerfully into our next up-level.  And of course, personal development is essential for everyone.   But over time, through my

There’s a lot of language around “limiting beliefs.” As though success is simply a matter of thinking the right thoughts loudly enough. There’s some truth in that idea - but it barely touches the surface. Most people who set out to build something, change something, or reach for more do  believe, at least on some level, that it’s possible. Otherwise, they wouldn’t begin! We don’t usually pursue things we believe are completely unreachable. That would feel irrational, even cr

Mums , Please stop apologising for needing space to restore yourself. Stop apologising for rest. For pleasure. For being seen. For being more than “useful”. There was a time I carried a heavy kind of mum guilt. I grew up with a mother who devoted herself entirely to us. She kept the house. She cared for everyone. She loved deeply. She is, and always has been, a wonderful mum. But I never saw her choose herself. No hair appointments. No time with friends. No evenings that we

...through a nervous system lens Life-changing experiences that happen to us,  are all experiences that can overwhelm the nervous system and leave lasting imprints. Trauma isn’t defined by the event itself, but by what happens inside us when something exceeds our capacity to cope. For some people, trauma shows up in ways that are recognisable and named: post-traumatic stress responses. Flashbacks. Disturbing dreams. A sense of reliving what happened. A body that feels perman

Many people who have experienced adversity grow up to be exceptionally capable. They are organised. Reliable. Emotionally intelligent in professional settings. They anticipate needs, manage complexity, hold responsibility, and perform under pressure. From the outside, they look confident, successful, composed. And yet, in relationships, they may feel confused, overwhelmed, unsure of themselves, or perpetually disappointed. This contrast can be deeply unsettling. It often carr

This is such a common experience, but rarely talked about For some people, rest feels like relief. For others, it feels like threat. This is a common experience, though it is rarely named. You sit down. You stop. The noise quietens, and instead of calm, something stirs. Restlessness. Guilt. A low-level anxiety. A sense that you should be doing  something, fixing something, staying alert. If this is you, nothing has gone wrong. When you have spent long periods of your life nee

Trauma is not only remembered in the mind. It is held in the body. Common bodily experiences include: feeling constantly alert or on edge living “in your head,” disconnected from physical sensations difficulty being present struggling to feel your body as a whole discomfort with touch or physical pleasure Some survivors experience unexplained physical symptoms, chronic pain, or health issues. Others feel detached from bodily signals such as hunger, fatigue, or pain. Dissociat

Notes on how abuse quietly shapes success, self-worth, and connection Many survivors have been too busy surviving to notice the full impact of what they lived through. When your energy has gone into staying safe, getting through the day, protecting children, keeping things together, or simply enduring, there is often very little space left to ask deeper questions about how abuse may still be shaping your life. For many women, this realisation comes later, sometimes years late